Couples may find themselves frustrated by an undefined struggle for dominance and power in their relationship. Here's how to handle this conflict.
The relationship between parents also shaped our knowledge of conflict resolution and the struggle for power.The father may have used physical strength or intimidation to maintain control, while the mother may have used emotional outbursts or passive-aggressive behavior to level the field.As children, we absorb both the negative and positive aspects of these conflicts between parents.We learn that sometimes the safest path to follow is to allow the other partner to dominate the relationship.Other times it was best to maintain a strong stance and hope the other partner ends the argument or drops the issue.All of these early experiences go into our individual reactions to the use of power as adults.
Most conflicts between partners actually have a logical and objective solution, truth be told. If these arguments were heard in court, a judge could readily make a decision based solely on the facts of the conflict.But people are rarely objective when it comes to winning or losing an argument.This is where the negative aspects of a power struggle come into play for couples.The point of the argument stops being about finding an objective solution and starts being about who is more entitled to be 'right'.Once the argument escalates past the issue, then one of the partners needs to recognize a power struggle at work.The first step to take is a ratcheting down of emotions.A charging bull is not going to be satisfied until it hits something.A skillful bullfighter knows when to step out of the way.Be prepared to walk away from an argument for a while, even if you are convinced you're absolutely right.There's too much of a risk your partner will escalate the argument to the point of no return.People who need to win arguments as a rule will often bring the original argument to a fever pitch, then bring in other issues guaranteed to cause an emotional reaction. It's no longer about the issue at hand- it's about the power of winning yet another argument.
Another area prone to a power struggle is career success.Many men are encouraged from birth to become the best at whatever they attempt.This is especially true when it comes to careers and economics.Men in general see themselves as providers, and seeing their partners experience more success than themselves can create a palpable conflict.Some men can become perfectly comfortable with a more successful spouse, but there's always the chance that a power struggle still exists internally.It falls on both partners to discuss their feelings openly, but this is not always the easiest conversation to have.If the conflict is not resolved successfully, then the struggle for dominance may result in a trainwreck.Instead of encouraging his or her partner to pursue a promotion or a higher education, a person conflicted by a power struggle may subliminally sabotage or downgrade the significance of a partner's achievements.This may require the intervention and advice of a professional counselor.
Power struggles are almost inevitable in relationships simply because of human nature.We're all motivated to maintain our individuality, even with a romantic partner.Most of the time, these struggles are minor and will ebb and flow naturally.One partner may win an argument this week over finances, while the other may win another argument over vacation plans next week. The problem of power struggles really comes to the forefront whenever both sides refuse to seek a workable compromise.Sometimes two strong personalities can bring out the best in each other, while others may find the constant struggle for power to be unbearable.It's important to understand your partner's natural leanings towards aggressive or passive behavior early in the relationship.People may learn to compromise for the sake of a relationship, but they rarely change their innate desires for power and control over their environment.
