If your child is punished for breaking a school rule, what is your role as a parent? Here are some tips with helpful advice.
Distrait, you wonder if your son will grow up to become a hit man for the mafia or at least a career criminal in starting fights at places of adult recreation. Then reality sinks in. You as the parent must reinforce the school's punishment to be sure your son gets the message that crime does not pay. So what should you do? Here is a range of strategies that can help you reinforce the school's anti-violence policy.
1. When discussing the situation with your child, do not blame the other child, the teacher, or the school. They're the agents of justice, not the perpetuators of the offense. Instead, make it clear to your child that his or her behavior is unacceptable and unruly, whether at school or at home.
2. Do not support your child's action either verbally or in passive acceptance. Hitting another person for a handful of words is hardly the right response to any situation. Self defense after being struck physically is another matter. Remind little Johnny with the old maxim, "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." It's true that name-calling and teasing can be painful, but children need to learn how to manage their anger before it manages them and they get carried away by emotion.
3. Do not berate the teacher. In fact, send a note thanking her for holding your child accountable. Offer to volunteer as a playground monitor a few days each month to help keep an eye on kids and conflict. Let her know that you have assessed the situation with your child and will reinforce the school's disciplinary actions.
4. Discuss the situation with your child. Make sure he or she understands the wrong actions as well as how to prevent them next time. Expect your child's apology and consider asking him to apologize to the student and the teacher, too, preferably in a handwritten note.
5. Evaluate the situation to determine if further discipline is needed. If you have made it clear in the past that your children should not assault others, or if little Johnny has demonstrated a problem with hitting or acting out violent tendencies, you may want to discipline his disobedience to parental authority in addition to the consequences for breaking school rules. Punishments might include grounding from the computer, television, or video games, or writing a 350-word essay with an apology and a plan for avoiding problem behavior in the future.
Discipline is a necessary fact of life for us all. Make adulthood easier for your children by instilling in them ethical values like respect for authority and personal responsibility while they're young.
