Romance Advice: Tips On Dealing With Your Mate's Ex

It can be difficult to deal with your mate's ex, but you have to remember to be compassionate, resist jealousy, and talk things out with your mate.

START WITH COMPASSION

How far in your mate's past is this ex?If you are in your thirties, and we are talking about a high school girlfriend who your beau has been close friends with for decades, then you have to be compassionate to their desire to maintain their friendship.Just because you are insecure or maybe a little jealous, that doesn't mean that you can put an end to a solid friendship in your mate's life.Platonic relationships do exist, and if your mate and a former girlfriend have decided that they are better friends than lovers, why do you have to play the role of the green-eyed monster?Take the high road - deal with your issues before you let them turn into an argument.Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends?If so, then you know that it is a possibility, and how would you feel if your boyfriend tried to infringe on that friendship?When a relationship ends, one of three outcomes usually results: one, you and your ex despise each other and hope that your paths will never cross; two, you break up, but continue to have friendly "hook-ups;" or three, you break up and decide that you are better suited for a friendship.Romantic relationships that turn to friendships are often some of the best friendships of a lifetime, so you should be compassionate and respect that.Hey, it's nice to know that your boyfriend doesn't burn the bridges with his exes.

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER

If you fear that you mate and his ex are spending too much time together, or if they seem overly flirtatious with each other and you are worried that something is brewing between the two of them, then you shouldn't bottle up your feelings.You owe it to yourself and to your relationship to talk to your significant other about your worries.For one, if the worst case scenario is true and he is cheating on you with his ex, you are much better off finding out - the sooner, the better.If your ex hadn't realized that he and his ex were behaving in a jealousy-inspiring manner, then he will be able to be more conscious of his behavior in the future.Make sure that he does not harbor any romantic feelings for his ex.If the two of them broke up very recently, then you might be in the unfortunate "rebound" role - and that is the last role you want to remain cast in.You are too special to be the stand-in for anyone, so if you think that he is still holding onto his past relationship, then you should make your relationship with him past as well.

TURN YOUR BACK ON THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER

If you have talked to your guy, and he has assured you that there is nothing brewing between him and his ex, then you should give trust a try.If you want your relationship to last, you have to have faith in your mate.A relationship can easily be destroyed as the result of distrust, so if you think that this relationship has some potential, then you have to let go of your insecurities.Stop obsessing over the possibility that your mate's ex is trying to get back together with your honey.Jealousy will take over your relationship, and it will ruin your opportunity to enjoy your mate's company.Moreover, it will make you become dependent and clingy and paranoid - none of which are even slightly attractive attributes.If you have been cheated on in the past, then you have baggage to make you a paranoia princess.Unfortunately, it is completely unfair to blame your current boyfriend for the sins of your ex boyfriend.

TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE-DOWN

One way to stop hating your mate's ex is to start loving her.Become her friend.You can only assume that your boyfriend has good taste - after all, he was wise enough to choose you, wasn't he?You might actually enjoy making a new friend, and if you are friends with your mate's ex, then you will be able to trust her.If she is your buddy, then she will be obligated to steer clear of your man.Whereas it is not okay to date your friend's exes, it is completely within the rules to befriend you mate's ex.If she doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with you when you make an attempt to bond, then you are well within your rights to tell your boyfriend that you are no longer comfortable having her as a part of your lives.If he puts his ex ahead of you, even after you made an effort to make things work, then you are better off without him.

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