Single Parenting Advice: How To Cope With Living With Your Parents

It can be very stressful if you are trying to get your life together, and your parents are still treating you like a child. Parents can become frustrated with the additional responsibilities, or be unwilling to relinquish control when you are ready to take it. Children living in an extended family household can become confused, too. Seeing you treated like a child or having your decisions overruled by your parents can make your child question your authority. The lines of discipline and structure become blurred, and kids may naturally take advantage of this, even to the point of pitting their parents against their grandparents in an effort to get their way.

It is necessary for you to remain the main authority figure for your child in an extended family household. To do this, you should begin by clearly outlining your child's schedule and rules for your parents, as well as for the child, if she is old enough to understand them. Ask that any disciplinary decisions or changes in the rules or schedule be checked with you before hand if at all possible. Remind them when necessary that they are a great help to you, but that you have ultimate authority when it comes to decision making, and that you expect them to respect your parenting choices and philosophy.

If this is difficult for your parents, communicate your concerns to them when the child is not around. Do not ever argue or debate your parenting decisions in front of the child. Having to defend your position, or having your parenting methods shot down in front of your child could undermine your authority. It could also undermine your parents' authority. You want the child to respect them as additional authority figures, but understand that the choices are ultimately yours to make. If you and your parents continue to have power struggles, consider seeking counseling with your parents. This will show that you are serious about your stance to retain authority, but that you are willing to try and work out disagreements.

Another way to communicate that you are taking primary responsibility for your child is by doing the majority of the parenting duties (bathing, meals, cleaning up after, bedtime story, etc.) for your child whenever you are home. For example, if you work, and your retired mother has agreed to baby-sit while you're at your job, then draft a schedule for the times you will need her and give specific details on what needs to be done with your child in your absence. When you are off from work, however, take the bulk parenting responsibilities on yourself. Do whatever you would have to do if you weren't living with your mother. Allow her to be "off-duty" when you can be home, and take care of your child's needs yourself.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't ever allow your parents to help when you are around. Simply don't take it for granted that they will do things you could do yourself. If you need extra help, tell them you are having a hard time, and ask for it. If they can't, respect that they might be tired or have plans.

A great way to keep from handing over too much responsibility to your parents is to find another source of help outside of the house. If you are working and/or going to school, your child probably spends a great deal of time being cared for by others. Don't lay all of the responsibility on your parents. By finding additional help, it will keep your parents from being with your child so much that they begin to take over your role as primary care taker. It will also give them a break, because you will not be overloading them with the responsibilities of caring for a young child full time.

There are many possibilities to look into. If your child goes to school, that will give you several hours of the day in which you will not have to rely on your parents, save for perhaps the occasional absence. If your child is not in school, you may want to consider a day care. Even part-time day care just two days per week can be a great assistance. If you can't afford a private day care, look to your state for aid. Low income families can usually qualify for day care assistance or Head Start programs. If day cares are not possible or do not appeal to you, try to find a friend or another relative who would be willing to watch your child sometimes. If you can find another parent or group of parents and do baby sitting exchanges, everyone can win in the end.

When living in your parent's house, it is important to remember that you and your child are guests in their home. Just as you should expect your parent's to respect your authority, you should respect their household. You should make every effort to help keep their home comfortable for them. If they like you to take your laundry out of the drier as soon as it's done, or keep the bathroom tidy, or put your dishes in the dishwasher as soon as you are through eating, you should do it. If they go to bed early, get headphones for your radio and don't invite guests to stay late in the evening. If you are dating and they are uncomfortable with overnight guests, then simply don't have your date spend the night. Make other plans when you want to be alone. This will prevent your parents from feeling your presence has disrupted their own way of life and help to avoid any arguments over little annoyances that can build up over time.

Try to contribute in any way that you can. Pay your share of the bills and offer to give them money towards the rent or mortgage if possible. If you cannot afford high phone or electric payments, then don't run up the bills. Even if you are not earning enough to contribute money to the household, you can still contribute. Mow the lawn, clean out the garage, or offer to take over some of their chores if you are not working. Bring them home their favorite cookies or flowers when you go to the grocery store. Send them a thank-you card occasionally. Show them that you appreciate what they are doing for you.

Above all, remember that your parents love you and your child. They are doing a wonderful thing by opening their home to you, because they want the best for both of you. While living together sometimes can be difficult, there are so many wonderful times you, your child, and your parents will have the opportunity to share while you are with them. Don't let the problems become bigger than the good. Maintain control of your life, but remember to show them gratitude- just a simple hug and saying, "I love you," can help.