Cricket's rules for the die hard players. A single game of cricket takes five days to finish with players competing in unbearable conditions.
Baseball and cricket have much in common - or so it appears to a layman.
Biannually, men in white flannel trousers, white shirts and boots travel the length and breadth of the world to participate in a series of what are called "˜Tests'. They are indeed tests. A single game of cricket takes four days to finish with the participants competing in the most unbearable conditions.
A cricket team consists of ten men with one thrown for good measure. The "˜eleventh man' or "˜odd man' is so-called presumably because the "˜selectors' feel sorry for him. Having managed to get so close to selection he is given the benefit of the doubt by the selectors and is taken along as a good-will gesture. If he is lucky, he may never get a game.
The prize for winning this strange game is a small brass urn filled with the ashes of a bit of wood burnt many years ago in England.
The game takes place on a large circular paddock known as an "˜Oval'. The inventors of the game were, obviously, not familiar with geometrical terminology. In the centre of the paddock is a stretch of grass, concrete, or asphalt called, curiously enough, a pitch. Curious because pitch is rarely used in its manufacture. Three, pointed stakes driven into the ground at each end of the pitch and spaced one chain or twenty-two yards apart are called "˜wickets'. Two more pieces of wood, called "˜bails', are delicately balanced on top of the wickets. One can only speculate on the derivation of that name.
The reason for such a large team on either side is difficult to perceive as only three players participate in the game at any one time. Two players from one of the teams stand at each end of the pitch beside the wickets while a single member of the other team throws a ball at one of them. The men beside the wickets are called "˜batsmen'. Each carries a "˜bat', which is little more than a piece of polished wood with a handle on one end. Some batsmen walk all the way to the pitch to collect a duck and then walk all the way back again completely oblivious of the one or two fans in the spectator's stand patiently waiting for some action. A "˜duck', in cricket terms, is when a batsman scores no "˜runs'.
If one of the batsmen is lucky enough to see the ball that the bowler throws at him, then he can take a swipe at it with his piece of wood. If he doesn't get hit by the ball and is fortunate enough to hit it some distance away then he is expected to run like mad up to the other end of the pitch and swap places with the other batsman. It is a form of cowardice. His run to safety is a sure sign he is afraid of getting hit by the ball and a sign of bravery by his peer to take his place. If he is a good shot and hits the ball strongly enough to reach the boundary of the paddock that is a sign for all the handicapped players (more on them later) scattered around the field to rush in and participate in a satanic dance where they all slap one another on the back, cuddle and kiss in a most unseemly way. The spectators, at this time, are expected to participate in desultory clapping. Spontaneous responses and expressions of jubilance are frowned upon.
The man with the ball is called the "˜bowler'. While he is out in the sun running madly up and down throwing the ball the balance of his team is scattered around the paddock. Their sole purpose appears to be to the fetch the ball and throw it back to the bowler so that he, the bowler, can try again to hit the batsman. An odd thing about the balance of the team, known as fieldsmen, is the handicaps they must have to be allowed to fetch the ball.
To qualify one must have a "˜deep fine leg', another a "˜square leg', and yet a third a "˜short square leg'. The latter must find it an extreme handicap trying to fetch the ball carrying a short square leg. Yet another must have a "˜silly mid-on' - whatever that may be. Then there is the man in "˜slips'. Why he has to wear one slip let alone several while the rest of the team wear white flannels is beyond comprehension.
The team members on the side of the batsmen spend their time in the shade of a marquee eating strawberries and cream while drinking copious cups of tea. That is the best part of being a cricketer.
Then there is the "˜wicket keeper'. Before a game starts a member of the audience is selected to be the wicket keeper. Seemingly, he is promised that, after the game, he gets to keep the wickets - hence the name. To confuse the spectators even more they sometimes have "˜sticky wickets', which is another name for the pitch and has nothing to do with the wickets the wicket keeper has been promised. Sticky wickets presumably make the batsmen run a little slower.
Why anybody would want to keep three pointed sticks is something on which to puzzle. Because he is told he can have the wickets at the end of the game, the wicket keeper is permitted to stand directly behind the wickets while the game is in progress to ensure they are not stolen. He has no obvious function other than personal interests. He is the only one on the paddock allowed to wear more than one hat and can often be seen wearing three or more hats simultaneously. Being a wicketkeeper is an extremely dangerous job as he is directly in the line, at all times, of the approaching ball.
Periodically, he is allowed to raise his hand directly above his head to give a rude, single-finger salute to the one or two spectators who may be awake. Under normal circumstances, such a gesture would bring a howl of derision from the audience but in cricket, because the spectators have difficulty staying awake, the gesture is greeted with rounds of applause and cheering. That tends to keep the on-lookers and fieldsmen awake.
Then there is the "˜bowler'. He has the most unusual task. His purpose is to throw the ball as hard and as fast as he can at the batsman but in doing so, he must keep his arm straight, or he is sent back to the strawberries and cream tent in disgrace. Oddly, Australians are the only ones allowed to throw the ball underarm. The bowler is officially allowed to bowl a maiden over on occasion so that is more than likely the incentive needed for his enduring all that running backwards and forwards in inclement weather. Perhaps the man in slips is a gentle reminder of pleasures in store. He is also permitted to bowl a googly (goodness knows what that is) every now and then.
When he receives the ball, the bowler strolls away in the opposite direction for another chain or so. He then turns suddenly (supposedly to catch the batsman asleep), vigorously rubs the ball up and down on his thigh before racing back at full pelt to throw the ball again. Seemingly, the vigorous rubbing is to incite him in anticipation of bowling another maiden over. When he has thrown eight balls it is "˜over' (hence the maiden over?) but he does not stop playing. Although it is over, he keeps going until it is too dark to see the batsmen.
They then all stroll back into to the marquee for more strawberries and cream and to pat each other on the back for managing to stay awake for another whole day.
Some find cricket exciting.
