Don't just assume your daughter knows all there is about boys, dating, and relationships. Prime her with key knowledge that will promote healthy interaction.
By adolescence, young girls are starting to daydream about boys, and vice versa. Nature made us that way, so parents may as well expect it. But rather than just letting things happen, the wise parent will plan ahead and find ways of sharing useful knowledge with a daughter. Then when it's time to date, marry, and build a family, the daughter will have adequate resources for doing a good job.
1. Start by establishing a healthy relationship with your daughter. Talk to her honestly and openly when she is young, adjusting the communication flow to an appropriate age level. Teach her to trust you about simple things so when the big issues come along, she will come to you, and not her friends, first for the answers. Be frank about bodily changes during puberty, and caution her about suitable behavior with the opposite sex as she comes of age. For example, you may want to discourage physical touching, suggestive language, and time spent alone with a boy until she is older and ready for a permanent relationship.
2. During adolescence, explain differences between boys and girls. Use correct but simple terms to define body parts and processes. Don't laugh at, scold about, or minimize anything that is important or that may confuse her. Some parents get age-appropriate books for kids to read, but be sure to discuss the contents afterward rather than assume she just "gets it" on her own. Describe infatuation, love, and reproduction as well as the necessity of respect for healthy relationships.
3. Point out that girls typically mature faster than boys. Your daughter should not expect that boys her age will be as mentally or emotionally developed as she is. Physically, they may surpass her, but in other ways, she may need to wait before expecting them to think as she does or to respond in similar ways. Emphasize the value of same-sex friendships until boys and girls are old enough to interact responsibly.
4. Find out if your school offers domestic arts classes to teach cooking, sewing, budgeting, and child care, as well as career goals. If not, find a community center or church group that does so your daughter can learn these important skills. Some families fall apart quickly today because neither parent knows how to manage a household or raise kids. Give your daughter the gift of this valuable, practical knowledge so that she can become prepared to share household responsibility with a mate someday.
5. Teach her how to select a mate. Teenagers often go by how a person looks rather than how well he works, conducts himself, or demonstrates maturity. Expound on the qualities that drew you to her father and what keeps you together (or if divorced, what pulled you apart). Define the role of concepts like responsibility, work ethic, commitment, and respect to prepare her for a productive union.
Today's culture often accents the transient and the physical. It's up to parents to find ways of imparting the valuable knowledge that leads to stable and permanent relationships. Keep an eye on your daughter's friends and associates, and be available when she wants to talk, and hopefully she will make wise choices when it comes to boys.
