Need help dealing with your teenager? Are you the one in charge or is your teenager in charge of you? Here is good advice for dealing with this difficult age.
Are you in charge of your teenager or is your teenager in charge of you? If he is in charge, it is time to change your parenting. A lot of times when parents are under considerable stress they tend to just give in to a teenager's demands and tell them to go ahead and do whatever it is they want to do and make a complete error. Once you start giving in to a teenager the roles become reversed and you have problems. You have to be the one with the authority and it has to be you enforcing this authority.
There is a big difference in showing your teenager that you care and that you want to understand without indulging the adolescent's every wish. You can't be too loving or spoil a teenager but you can be too giving by giving in to their demands.
You need to spend time together, to discuss their friends, their hopes, dreams, school projects, etc. These times are important and can bring you closer together and not further apart. Don't become like another teenage friend, you are the adult and also the parent, let those roles remain.
Adolescents are full of questions, these subjects need to be discussed with their parents, not with strangers, parents have to be available for teenagers to ask questions and at home also. They have a lot of emotional issues at times they need your love and ability to understand and help also.
Be supportive to your teenager, don't think of their problems as very small. They are struggling
hard during these years and need support, they
need authority but the support needs to be available also. They also need your trust whenever possible, when they don't earn that trust then that is a different matter.
Set clear limits for your teenager. Telling them that they need to follow your rules because their are made by you doesn't always work. Discuss your rules and regulations that you wish the teenager to follow, explain that there is a reason for each rule and explain that reason. Make it clear why this certain rule needs to be obeyed and the consequences if the rule is not followed.
There will be issues that will relate to physical and emotional safety and to deeply held family values and these issues do fall into the category of non-negotiable rules. Parents cannot let a teenager make a decision for themselves: for example, in how late they can remain out at night or can they have the family car without permission. For the safety of your teenager you have to be in authority. It is not a fun situation at times but authority is necessary.
Adolescents may challenge these rules, but they are much more likely to comply with them if you limit these non-negotiable rules to issues that really matter; ones that you have solid, logical reasons for these rules and you are willing to explain your reasons whenever you are asked. This will enable your teenager to mature and be a better and more responsible adult if you are in charge as a parent when he or she is an adolescent.
