Is your teen ready to start dating? Here are a few tips that can prepare the parents and their son or daughter for the first date.
While raising children, parents recognize those all-important milestones that children pass in taking one step after another toward maturity. For teenagers, one of those key steps is having a first date. Although this event is as varied as the teens who do it, parents can play a vital if low-key role in helping their kids get off on the right track.
1. Start preparing for this inevitable day when your kids are still young. Model for them the importance of relational respect and suitable behavior. Supervise friendships and the neighborhood children with whom they play. These efforts will lay the groundwork for responsible behavior and positive influences that will prepare teenagers to interact appropriately during their dating years. Don't put down the opposite sex or talk in critical or sexual terms of the dating process. Emphasize that this is a time of getting to know someone as a friend, not commencing a romance that for teens, has little direction to go until they are old enough to marry.
2. Never pressure your kids to date before they are ready or to avoid the opposite sex altogether. It may help to meet with other parents in your community, especially those you admire and trust, to share ideas about the kind of dating that leads to healthy relationships and not broken hearts. Today's society pushes children to grow up too quickly, which leads to a host of problems, including STD's, teen pregnancy, and emotional problems. Let your child be a child until he or she becomes physically and emotionally mature enough to consider an adult-level relationship.
3. Help to direct your children's social life while they are young by introducing them to families with similar values and positive goals. This may involve taking your children to a weekly worship service, joining a community recreational organization like the YWCA or a sports team, and getting to know other families at the school your child attends. Your teen will naturally gravitate toward people he has known most of his or her life when it comes to dating, so provide helpful examples of solid families with character.
4. Let your teen choose his own first date. Some kids wait for college to begin dating. Others champ at the bit from age 13 or 14 to be like their friends. Many counseling experts recommend waiting to reach the age of 16, or older, to allow kids to grow into this aspect of their social conditioning. A careful parent can always find ways of dropping a subtle hint as to recommending a nice girl or guy to interest the teenager.
5. Give your teen a short course on etiquette. One parent can take her out for dinner and go through the usual protocol of conversation, dining conventions (which fork is used first, for example), how to sit, etc. Today's manners are far more relaxed than those of a generation or two ago, but it still helps to train kids in the kind of behavior that will help them on the job as well as on a date.
6. Don't stop supervising your teen when she starts dating. Set a curfew as well as giving a few reminders about basic behavior (such as "no parking"). If you don't care much for the person your teen is taking out, don't be overcritical or you may push the pair together inadvertently.
Dating is an important rite of passage that moves a young person to the next stage of development. Parents have the responsibility of setting the tone, coaching socially responsible behavior, and providing guidance throughout this important phase.
