What To Tell A Nosy Person

1. Understand where the person is coming from. Try to figure out why these questions are directed at you. Is the inquisitor curious, jealous, envious, admiring, or nervous? If you can learn what is motivating the questions, you can better frame your response to satisfy your partner's curiosity or point him or her in another direction. You may even have to ask a question in return:

"Do I seem that mysterious?"

"Are you wondering what your own job should pay?"

Make an effort to remain good natured as you stave off prying queries.

2. Redirect the question. When you are asked about something that is too personal, like your income, rephrase the question to make it more general:

"What do I earn? Well, most people at the VP level here earn between $50,000 and $70,000."

"Do I want to go out sometime? I'll have to check my planner at home and get back to you."

Most petitioners will take the hint and drop the conversation at that point. But if not, your replies may have to become more blunt in order for the other person to get the hint.

3. Plead ignorance. When you don't want to talk about a topic or another person, stop the gossip by claiming you don't know:

"I don't know Betty's age. She's never mentioned it."

"Sally's earnings? I'm not privy to company information like that."

Setting clear boundaries will tell the questioner, and others that he or she may talk to, that you are unwilling or unable to discuss certain topics. Hopefully no one will mention them further.

4. Play it off. To avoid delicate topics, refuse to take the question seriously. This will help the nosy one save face and protect you from being drawn into the gossip grapevine:

"Now that would make an interesting lunch topic to discuss sometime, wouldn't it?"

"Wouldn't Gus be mortified if he knew his coworkers were discussing his job performance. We'd better stop before the word gets around."

"Year-end bonuses? I haven't heard a thing. You want cream with your coffee?"

5. Change the subject. When nosiness starts to nudge a conversation in a sensitive direction, nudge it away again by moving to another topic of discussion:

"My weight? Hmm, good question. Hey, what do you think about the new government diet guidelines?"

"Kathy's hair color? Interesting. By the way, I like your new haircut. It becomes you."

Plan ahead to use a little creative ingenuity to worm your way out of tough conversational spots when cornered by a nosy person. Then you can avoid mistakes that will cause guilt, and your conversation partner might learn to control his or her curiosity.