Tips on how to build self-confidence through acceptance, improvement, respect and attitude, including why and how to determine what to accept and what to change, and how to do it.
Self-confidence doesn't mean that a person has an inflated sense of value.Self-confident people are those who have learned that perfection is not attainable.Imperfection is something they can accept, while they continue to strive to improve what they can and continue to learn in the process.
That should have been an easy exercise.We are usually fluent in our native language of negative. Look at self confidence like you would a foundation or a basement in a building.Sometimes foundations need to be shored up.Sometimes a foundation needs to be replaced.This is what needs to be done in your life if you are struggling with confidence.
Foundational self-confidence walls would be:self-acceptance, self-improvement, self-respect and self-talk.These building blocks interlock and strengthen each other.If you lack self-confidence in these areas they are in need of repair. And everything built on them risks being unstable.
Self-acceptance means you accept the things about yourself that you cannot change. You have a large nose and can't afford to have it fixed. The option of putting a sack over your head and hiding doesn't work. You are forced to live with it. This is where self-talk becomes vital. Do you make comments like? "I hate my nose.""I wish I was attractive.""I wish I looked like so and so.""Is she staring at my huge nose?" Comments like these tear at the walls of your self-respect and confidence.As difficult as it is, you will have to choose to accept the fact that your nose is not your best feature.You will choose to focus on your better features.You will choose to stop focusing on your nose.You will choose to overlook the fact that you have a large nose. Seems impossible, but the hardest part is in the choosing to think differently.
Now take your piece of paper, and in the upper right hand column write the word positive.Go over your list of negatives and put a star next to the ones that you can not change.Go to the positive side of the paper and write statements that show a choice to accept, take the focus off, or make you feel better about your negative.Instead of "I have huge duck feet", say, "I have a beautiful long neck, and I think that I could look into ways to draw attention to my neck."I don't always have to think about my feet, they are functional, and get me where I need to go."Appreciate the fact that your feet serve you well.
Make a commitment to yourself to erase the negative self-talk from your life.The truth is, no matter what your flaw is, it is not the sum of you.Listen for trigger words like: "I can't"¦""I hate"¦" "ugly" "stupid" etc.Say the word. "Stop!" when they start coming at you. Replace the trigger words with the positive words, thoughts or change the focus.
Self-improvement is for the brave.If you have read this far, you have the courage to make the changes that hold you prisoner in an unhappy life.Do you hate your job?Why?Do you need to take some classes to improve your skills?Are you bored?Develop some healthy and interesting hobbies.Look into the adult education classes at your local high school or college.I have always regretted quitting my piano lessons, but I have discovered that there are short cuts to playing piano.I may not be asked to play at Carnegie Hall, but I am working on playing for my own pleasure.What regret or secret dream do you have?What's keeping you from grabbing hold of it?
I once read a wise answer in an Ann or Abby column.Someone was agonizing about going back to school at age 40, and finishing at 44, trying to justify his choice to spend the money for the education.She asked him to think it through and then asked."If you don't go back to college, how old will you be in 4 years?"She was saying whether you do something or not, time still goes forward.
Don't put your life on hold because of fear, or lack of talent, or until you lose 40 pounds.Life will go forward and regrets will pile up, tearing holes in your self-esteem.If you can't afford to go to the gym, or pay for college, or change careers, get creative.Exercise for free. Walking doesn't cost a thing.Check with the college to see if you can "audit" a class.If you can't, then go to the library and check out how-to guides and teach yourself.If you will choose to consider that learning is a life long activity, your self-confidence with soar.If you fail at something, you haven't failed if you have learned in the process.
Go through your negative list and underline the items that you can change.Write the plan in the positive section.Every one of them needs to have a matching goal.You have to choose to follow through.Enlist the positive self-talk.A sense of humor is a wonderful self-talk tool.
So many of us do and say things that pick away at our foundational wall of self-respect.If something is not right with your spirit, or heart, or mind make some changes.Do you find yourself picking friends who lie to you?Discover why, and then distance yourself.Maybe you have friends who lie because you live a life where you lie to yourself or others.Do you cut others down with words or actions?Are you "funny"? While knowing that you leave others with tears in their eyes because of your poisonous humor?It is almost impossible to respect yourself if you are hurting someone else.
Are you with an abusive significant other?Sometimes, others can beat us into pulp with fists or words.It's okay to get help.It's okay to want to be treated with respect.Decide that you will be the first person in a poisonous relationship to treat you with respect.You have to choose to make those changes.Counseling can be inexpensive.The library and internet are full of free resources.You found this didn't you?
Go through your negative list again.Do you see patterns or issues that may relate to self-respect? Put a diamond next to them.Cross over to the positive side.What goal, hope or plan can you put into action?Warning, tomorrow can be a never-ending excuse.
Remember, your self-confidence is foundational.Your relationships are built on it.You career hinges on it.And time moves on, with or without you.
