Overcoming shyness and coming to a greater acceptance of yourself.
Acute shyness is a painful and debilitating condition leading to an overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. An intensely shy person usually feels extremely self-conscious in social settings and fears making any mistake that will cause them embarrassment. Avoidance of any situation outside their "comfort zone" becomes a way to cope with these unpleasant feelings.
However, there are varying degrees of shyness ranging from mild to acute. Many adults who were considered shy as children learned to appear more self-confident as they grew older. Life experiences has taught them that no one is perfect and "together" all the time, so they have eased up on their expectations of themselves and are therefore more self-accepting.
A person may label themselves as shy occasionally, while another feels shy more often. Different settings and situations can contribute to greater or lesser feelings of shyness, and the individuals ability to cope.
Many well known people claim to be shy, including Barbara Walters, Johnny Carson, Carol Burnette, and Nancy Walker. And while shyness is often associated with negative personality traits such as low self-esteem, it can also be an endearing trait considered "sophisticated" or "high class." Just look at the late Princess Di, Audrey Hepburn or Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
The best way to handle shyness is through self-acceptance. Focus on the positive aspects of introversion and build upon these positive traits. For instance, introverted people need a great deal of personal space and time alone. And so they tend to be more reflective, empathetic, and sensitive to others. Therefore, they usually make excellent writers, psychologists, social workers and counselors.
The shy person may be more creative, artistic or musically inclined. Or they may be more scientifically minded and able to devote large chunks of time to research, while an extroverted personality might find the isolation involved in some of these careers much harder to deal with.
The key issue here is learning how to be comfortable with your own personality traits and talents instead of comparing yourself to some one else. Introverts are generally satisfied with a smaller, more intimate group of friends while extroverts are energized by a wide circle of friends and acquaintances.
You can be introverted without being shy. Introverted simply means that you process the world around you on an internal level, while the extrovert will process his or her thoughts through the external world. For example, introverts are stimulated by ideas while extroverts are stimulated by meeting new people.
There is nothing wrong with either approach, and learning to embrace your inner qualities will build your self-esteem , causing you to have a sense of purpose in your life. Social anxiety then, lessens because you are now focused on your talents and goals which will enable you to begin losing that all pervading self-consciousness that
causes you to "zone" in on your faults.
Shy people are too self-critical and harsh with themselves, and so they tend to think everyone else is just as focused on their negative qualities as much as they are. But in reality, most people are really not paying such minute attention to your every move. When you are a child in school, there can be a tendency for some children to put anyone different than them under a microscope. But adults are generally too busy and involved with other things.
The best thing anyone can do for a shy child is to give him or her a lot of space and unconditional love. Don't focus too much on labeling him or her as shy. Play up the child's talents and good points, and let them know it is okay to be quiet. Don't make them feel as if there is something horribly wrong with them just because they are shy. Parents who are able to socialize with other people with kids around the same age group as their own child will help them not be so isolated.
Shy adults should seek out other groups of people who share similar interests. It is much easier to talk to others when you like the same things. If you are passionate about a certain subject then you will be much more likely to interact with others who areequally fascinated by the same topic.
Stay up to date on current events by reading newspapers, and magazine articles. It will be easier to make small talk in a group of people if you know what is happening around the world.
Be sure to eavesdrop in on other people's conversations (when it isn't personal) and notice what kinds of things they talk about. You will notice that not everyone is exceptionally witty or a clever conversationalist, so you will start feeling less intimidated. Most people like to talk about themselves, their families and their jobs. Be a good listener and you will make friends more easily.
And finally, notice what is going on around you. Shy people tend to withdraw into a private world of their own and block out other people. It becomes easy then to imagine everyone else is exceptionally talented, good looking and far superior to yourself. But if you enter a room and really look at the people around you, you'll find most of them are average, down to earth people just like yourself. You don't want to be hyper-critical of others, but at the same time you don't want to blow them up into someone unapproachable and far superior to yourself. Just being able to recognize that other people deal with their own insecurities and problems will help you to see yourself as an equal, and your shyness will begin to dissipate. Above all smiling and making good eye contact shows you are approachable and friendly which will cause other people to
respond in a more positive manner toward you.
Learning to appreciate your own uniqueness and individuality is a basic tool needed for self-esteem. Focusing in on your abilities instead of your weakness will give you greater self-confidence which in turn will minimize your fears of social settings, or at least enable you to form some close friendships and live a happier, more meaningful life.
