What Is The Best Way To Resolve Conflicts In Marriage?

What is the best way to resolve conflicts in marriage? There are many ways to resolve conflict in a marriage using therapy and counseling. I am hesitating here because there is just a lot I can go into and...

I am hesitating here because there is just a lot I can go into and it really depends on where the couple gets into problems. Sometimes, there is a therapist who has written some good books and done a lot of studies and he talks about the four horsemen of the apocalypse of marriages going bad. There is ongoing criticism that attacks character, picking on things constantly, contempt, and character assassination. That can be just dismissing or writing off your partner and what they have to say or the name calling. Being so defensive that you can't hear or can't even listen is what John Gottman calls "a stone walling." You are just totally withdrawn and you just don't even connect; when the other person says something, you just totally pull away. Those are things to watch for because they can get out of hand in a relationship. All relationships might have a little bit of the different styles. But when those start developing more and more, then you are looking at more and more serious aspects going on in the relationship. So you need to have communication that counteracts that; listening and trying to make the connection when there is difficulty, rather than just disappearing. Try to get out of yourself to understand your partner's viewpoint, acknowledge them a little bit rather just arguing your viewpoint takes care of some of the defensiveness. On the critical side, making sure that you compliment and acknowledge and appreciate certain aspects of the relationship as well as (when you have something bad) keeping it just to what the issues are at hand. Don't just globalize it more and more so it becomes an impossible issue. Try to focus on the issues at hand and try to keep your language and your attitude more playful. Couples can have conflict and still have great relationships. According to John Gottman's studies, most really good relationships have all kinds of conflicts, but there is a way that they deal with the conflict that doesn't destroy it. The couple can hang together because of the style of how they do it and because all of the background that's happening when they are not in conflict is supporting the relationship.

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