Wedding etiquette: how to ask someone to be your bridesmaid

Learn the most polite way to ask a friend to be a bridesmaid so no friend will want to turn you down.

A bride-to-be may think that asking someone to be their bridesmaid is an honor more than anything else.But what every bride-to-be should never forget is that accepting the "honor" that comes along with being a bridesmaid also means accepting hefty responsibilities, considerable expense, and a lot of blame if things don't go according to plan.

Of course, most good friends would love to help you celebrate your special day.But asking with grace and indicating that you understand that being a bridesmaid is not always all fun will make any potential bridesmaid feel a lot more happy and excited about taking on the job.

It is a good idea to ask each bridesmaid-to-be individually instead of asking them altogether as a grouping.Instead of calling up 5 people and inviting them over for a group lunch and popping the question, take each person out separately.This is a polite way to extend the invitation for many reasons.For one thing, you are spending a little alone time with a friend, making them feel special.For another, your friend can freely express her concerns about, say, affording the cost of the dress without feeling awkward.And if you agree to work out a deal for one financially strapped friend, you don't want the others to know about it.It would be rude not to appear to give all of your bridesmaids equal treatment.Here is something else to consider: what if the first friend you ask to be bridesmaid number three declines the offer?No one will ever have to know, and you can ask someone else to take her place without everyone knowing that the new bridesmaid number three was second pick.


Have a gift ready for the bridesmaids-to-be.As your bridesmaid, your friend will be in charge of a lot of stressful duties.They will have to coordinate a wedding shower, spread by word of mouth your gift registry information for the shower and the wedding day.They will spend hours licking stamps and envelopes and handwriting addresses.They will spend hours on the phone tracking down everyone that does not meet the R.S.V.P. deadline.You want to be sure and recognize that everything that they are about to agree to do for you is greatly appreciated. As the wedding gets closer and closer, you will get so busy that you just might forget about how important they are and how great of a job they are doing.A gift is a nice way of letting them know ahead of time that you are aware of how huge of a job they have and how much it means to you that they are willing to do all of it just for you.

In just these two steps, you can make your bridesmaids-to-be feel like they are the most important person to your wedding.No one would be able to say no to a bride who asked so nicely and gave such a generous gift as a token of appreciation.You'll be the most polite bride they've ever encountered.

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